My head is always on a highway going 80MPH, all day every day. Switching lanes every few minutes thinking of something different to worry about. One second I am focused on, have I been a good friend recently? I don’t think I have, how can I become a better friend? And the next.. I have NOT been excelling in my career. You need to come up with a organized plan so you can succeed at your job.
This is how my mind always works and I’ve (somewhat) learned to live with that. I’d switch lanes so often that it was very easy for myself to switch into positive thoughts. With that being said, when I decide to like a boy, this stupid analogy is quite different. When there is new guy in my life, it’s like I’m on a one lane backroad foot on the gas. Nothing else matters and nothing can get in my way. He’s all I can think about. He consumes me and all I do is think about him and fake non-existent scenarios. Don’t you worry, I’m still thinking about stressful, anxiety-filled situations however there revolved around a man, who inevitably wont matter within the next month.
It’s fucking exhausting. If they don’t text back within 30 minutes, it’s panic. If they go out with friends, it’s “why didn’t they invite me out?” And the worst, most illogical one is if they ‘do anything’, I’ll assume they’re cheating. Negatives 24/7 and this is a huge reason why I don’t date. If I have a crush on a guy, I will panic until I ruin it myself. My only solution to this exhausting drive that I’ve put myself on is to get off on the first exit I pass. That way I can take a deep breath, have a shot of whiskey and get back on the multi-lane highway I’m used too.
If you’re thinking this is a place where you’re going to get answers about how to solve all these situations, you’ve come to the wrong read. However if you believe you’re crazy, keep on reading because as am I, I may actually have you beat.
You may be asking why even try to like a guy? If it’s this exhausting for you why even attempt? Well I’m human. I’m supposed to want to husband, the snot-nose kids and the golden retriever held in my white picket fence. If that’s not my end goal then I don’t have goals and something is wrong with me, at least that is what is assumed. 50% of the time I do actually want these goals, so I will jump onto the first one lane backroad I see praying that this is the one that I’ll stay on and learn as I drive. However the other 50% I’m thinking about how one-lane roads are irrational and not for me. I should be my only lane, no one else! One-lane roads don’t make since to me and they never have.
I’m 26 as I’m writing this, surrounded by peers older and much younger than me who have decided that the husband and kids scenario is 100% for them. When am I going to decided? I can’t be the chick who thinks one night stands are preferred, doesn’t want children and has 0 interest in relations with men for this month and then hope the guy a blew months ago hits me up to ask me on a real date the next month. Did that make sense to anyone? I can’t be that women because It doesn’t have any logic and its fucking exhausting. When will I decide which route I’m taking? Do I even need to decide?
trying to be someone i read about 